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I have moved.

For those that care, I can now be found here: 



So why have I lost the ability to read my flist's posts more than a day or two past?  Is that some new LJ thing or is mine just screwy?

Btw, I'm once again connected to the world, hundreds of dollars later.

Effin sweet.

from today's inner monologue


It's a very strong emotion.  Most would say one of the strongest.  People are encouraged to feel their emotions strongly. We should love deeply, etc.  But not hate.  No one wants anyone to feel hate.  Say, you don't mean that.  Or, That's harsh, man. Or,  Take it back.  Or my favorite, Well, hate's too strong a word...  Hate is a crime. 

Is that what's happened to us?  Apathy out of fear?  Why is it wrong to feel hate?  Because it leads to sin?  Not always. Hatred and self-control aren't mutually exclusive. 

Ahh, yes.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the grass is greening, the flowers are blooming.  Spring is here!!!

And so are the goddamn bikers.


Hello there, children.

Forgive me father for I have sinned.  It's been 4 months since my last confession.  Har.  I'm such a good pretend Catholic.

Wow.  So.  What's new?  I don't really have much of an explanation for my absence - certainly nothing glamorous like involuntary commitment or a stint in the Peace Corps or anything like that.  Just....life.  Well, mostly because I'm having computer issues which have seriously limited my online time at home, and it was winter for chrissakes - wtf is there to talk about?  I hope to have the computer issues resolved within the next month or so, depending on how much they want to rape me for the repairs.  But holy shit, there's so much to catch up on.  My flist is very small, and full of sporadic  posters, but fuuuuck - four plus months of reading is gonna take me a long time.  I'll save it for a rainy weekend.

Sadly, not much is new or exciting with me (well except that there is 25 lbs less of me to love, mysteriously....not that I'm complaining).  David is awesome.  Emily is, well, Emily.  The Golden Child is graduating in May, so we've been spending lots of time trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life.  (He wants to rock. ROCK!) 

Anyway, HI!  I'm not dead.  I'll be back around again.  Sooner rather than later.  Prolly.

Best quote ever.

"We need to put more people to death to show we are serious about the sanctity of human life."


Taken from a reader comment on a Cleveland Plain Dealer article about Anthony Sowell.


Ohai.  I'm not dead.

I ran over a snake today.  I feel HORRIBLE about it.  Awful.  Just awful.

That is all.

oink oink

Can someone please explain what the fucking big deal is about the goddamn swine flu?  There are barely 100 confirmed cases worldwide, yet everyone is in a fucking panic.  ZOMG PANDEMIC!!!11!!1!!

Chill the fuck out people, seriously.  Stop feeding the fear machine.


This has been around for a while, but I'm late to the party...  It is the funniest fucking thing I have seen in ages.  Youtube seems to have changed their "share" options; I wanted to embed, but could only link.



my pee is green.  not a bright, frightening green, but definitely a noticeable green.  i hope it's from the new meds, but i'm thinking it started before i switched.  please don't be an indication of something else going wrong with me.  i have about all i can handle now.

so yeah, went to the dr on st patrick's day.  maybe that's why the green pee. *rimshot*   lost 7 lbs since last visit.  don't get me wrong, YAY!!, but it was a little unexpected and thereby somehow unnerving in my mind.

yesterday was absolute hell.  i'm in med change limbo - old meds leaving my system (no step down, cold turkey), new meds not taking effect yet. i can't sleep much except a few hours at a time, because i wake up in so much  pain i can't stay comfortable.   i was a zombie all day, but managed to keep myself together long enough to get by and then have yet another cry fest at home.  all i can say is thank god for david.  he's absolutely been my rock (always, but especially lately).  he told me to take a couple days off, rest, relax, regroup and come out swinging on monday.  so i did. i called my pseudo boss last night and said i wouldn't be back til monday.  i didn't say much about what was going on, but i think she has an idea.  people have noticed.   i think the bags under my eyes and my flat affect pretty much say it all.  i didn't do much today, but felt much better than yesterday.  i don't know if it's the fact i'm at home vs work, or if it's just that every day i get more meds in me will continue to improve.

also saw my shrink last night.  she convinced me to have some blood drawn today to make sure there's no physiological reason for all this, since i don't seem to have any obvious trigger (i.e. nothing stressful or unusual happening in my life).  and since tomorrow is supposed to be nice, she made me promise to go outside and walk around and get some sun and air.  i think i'll also go to a movie by myself if i'm feeling up to it.

i have an appointment for reiki next week.  my dr is very into holistic medicine now and he suggested it.  why not?  can't hurt, right? 

i'm hearing things.  i always do, but i don't know if it's increased from the new meds or if i'm just hyper sensitive to it right now.  it's a ringing sometimes, but mostly it sounds like a field on a warm summer night - thousands of bugs, chirping and buzzing and whirring.  i hope it goes away, because it's really fucking annoying.

that is all.


leroy hotdog zanzibar

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January 2011


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